


Rules of Survival: Fiction Edition

by somerandomonline



Category: Original Work
Genre: Meta, Nothing too explicit, Other, just language and a few jokes, me venting about dumb characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somerandomonline/pseuds/somerandomonline
Summary: Are you writing supposedly intelligent characters? Are you tired of reading about stupid people? Did you really enjoy the Evil Overlord List? Then this is for you!
Kudos: 1





	Rules of Survival: Fiction Edition

So, You’ve Been Attacked 

  1. When my friend drives up to my house and frantically tells me to get in, I will ask my questions _in the car_ , after we have begun driving unless my friend is a known crazy person
  2. If my friend is a known crazy person, I will seriously consider ending the friendship, preferably via ghosting
  3. If I learn that someone is trying to kill me and a friend, I will, if possible, call them as I escape. Cell phones are very useful, and forewarned is forearmed 
  4. I will, if at all possible, avoid using my highly recognizable vehicle to escape my killers. To this point, I will ensure that my vehicle is not incredibly recognizable, and if I must have an iconic vehicle, I will invest in a normal, unremarkable vehicle
  5. If I have not invested in an average, run of the mill vehicle, I will take an Uber or rent a car. Anything that isn’t my very recognizable vehicle
  6. If I am being chased, I will run to a public area, increasing the odds that someone will help me out and hopefully prevent my killer(s) from doing anything too drastic
  7. If I am in a Masquerade, the above is still viable. My killer(s) are presumably still bound by secrecy, and the public will have more questions for them than for me, especially if I have been seriously injured
  8. If I am heavily wanted, the town pariah, or my killer(s) are fine with significant collateral damage, I will ignore rule 6
  9. If I am a powerful, immortal being, I will invest in a safe house or go bag at some point. You can never be too paranoid, and if nothing else, having a safehouse will make you three times cooler. And it’s not like I don’t have time
  10. If I have recently pissed off someone(s) powerful and/or influential, I will double check my go bag and consider going on an extended vacation
  11. I WILL ANSWER MY FUCKING PHONE
  12. I will also answer/read/listen to any other communications I may receive  

  13. I will remember that humans have killed many, many animals and people by throwing or dropping random objects at/on them. I will keep this in mind when someone inevitably gets the drop on me
  14. I will have a well stocked first aid kit
  15. I will memorize at least a few important phone numbers



**Author's Note:**

> I'm just exasperated, I know there are a million of these. Also, I've seen one too many bad choices, so here you go.


End file.
